Tip for Men and Women #41: Your Best Lies Are the Ones You Tell Yourself

I know I've been harping on about lying lately, probably to the point that I'm sounding like a broken record. Sorry if that's getting old, but it just seems like you people are harbouring lots of misconceptions in this area, and it's my duty as officious blog commentator to disabuse you of those.

Now, however, I'll just gripe about bad profile writing...

So, you all hopefully have at least taken my advice and filled out a complete profile questionnaire, in which case you would have answered the "Best (or worst) lie you've ever told" question. Good for you, but it's only a start; more work remains to be done.

In case you missed it the point of that question is for you to demonstrate that you're not perfect, viz. that you're perfectly willing to admit that you too, like everybody else, lies from time to time. Maybe your lies are of the little, white variety. Maybe your lies are unskillfully crafted or told. But that you do lie and have lied EVERY DAY OF YOUR LIFE is beyond question. If anybody is unclear or in self-denial about that, please see Tip For Men and Women #33: I LOVE His Gigantic Head! and Tip for Men and Women #37: The Machiavelli in all of us.

That being said, "I don't lie", "I never lie", "I can't stand lying", and other similar responses need to go. For one thing, it comes across as annoying and self-righteous, smacking of "I'm better than you" overtones. For another, as those of you who followed those links to my earlier posts on the evolutionary psychology behind lying now know, it's an exercise in self-delusion to claim that you don't lie. In essence, it's a self-refuting claim, since by making it, you're only lying to yourself (and, I might add, only fooling yourself), the very act of doing which invalidates your claim to exceptionless truth.

An unfortunate side effect is that tongue-in-cheek attempts to be ironic with the statement "I never lie" come across as just another exercise in unctuous, self-laudatory back-patting. Very clever, people, but regrettably, it's lost on us.

A few loose-ends to tie up:

(1) "I'm a terrible liar" isn't really helpful.

(2) Try not to be too much of a killjoy here, just like with the "most humbling moment" box. Be playful and keep it light. In other words, "no, I'm not sleeping with your wife" isn't your best bet here.

(3) Ladies, your dismissive sexual innuendos (e.g., "It's SO big" or "Yes, I need it") make you come across as a bit petulant, which isn't exactly a turn-on. Just saying.