Let me just say this up front: this is a tip for men and women because it has relevance to both genders. However, can I just suggest again to the men out there that you NOT show 'em your t i t s. With your bare-chested photos, you might as well be short, because you're not going to get any love.
So, I know what you're already saying: "doesn't this post contravene the advice dispensed way back in the early days when you advised against wearing swimsuits etc. in profile photos?" Not really. That advice still stands. I'm just qualifying it.
Basically, here's the score: there are some worthwhile people out there, and there are some worthless people out there. For whatever reason, most of the people I know who do online dating are women, so what I have to go on RE the male experience is my own, which has been that notwithstanding a few deadbeat daters, most people are actually pretty cool. (If you're reading this and we've dated, "deadbeat dater" does not refer to you. Really, you were different.) However, I have been talking with a number of women lately about the demographics of the NYC under-40 dating scene, and again-and-again the claim has been made that the quality of the female demographic is much greater than that of the male demographic. In essence, the claim goes that the manipulative *sshole scale is tipped radically to the side of men.
Now, to be honest, I'm sceptical of that claim, largely because it sounds like a mere expression of a passive, victim mentality, a la "I'm unsuccessful with men, but there's nothing I'm doing that is producing this result". But, for the sake of argument, I'll assume that this claim is true.
If that's true, then, it would behove you to to do whatever you can to discourage responses from the "wrong" guys, whilst encouraging responses from the "right" guys. My thought is that the way to do this is to put together a profile that creates non-physical sexual attraction (in addition to physical sexual attraction) in men. Basically, if you're concerned about manipulative *sshole men, you'd be advised to make him want you for more than the contents of your knickers.
For that reason, I stand by my former advice against posting provocative photos, viz. swimsuit or underwear shots. Online dating sites are like a guy/girl smorgasbord, and so much of our assessment of others is superficial (i.e., based on photos), which is why men and women without photos receive 1/4 and 1/6, respectively, the number of responses as men and women with photos. So, when you post your steamy pics, sure you might get more responses, but most of those will be from the "wrong" guys, viz. guys who do (or would) post topless photos and who will turn out to be manipulative *ssholes.
This all brings me to the reason why I'm writing. Having stated these provisos, I find it very interesting how EFFECTIVE putting up risque photos can be at garnering responses. It's probably no secret that changing up your main photo periodically can increase your number of views. But if you want to try something cool, especially if you're a young woman who has a tame photo of yourself and don't get too many views, try putting up something a bit steamier and see how quickly your number of views goes up.
Case in point. In the past few weeks this has happened to me several times actually. Take your basic female profile with a so-so photo. Since I don't spend too much time looking at profiles anymore, an unremarkable photo often means the difference between whether I look at your profile and whether I go on to the next one. Over time, you come to recognise the "usual suspects", i.e. the people who are always online, browsing, writing, whatever. And once you start passing somebody over, this behaviour becomes self-reinforcing, habitual.
But say all of a sudden, this person replaces her passable photo with something much more provocative, such as a indecorous pose, an a s s pic, a photo of you in a low-cut dress with your t i t s hanging out , or a swimsuit/underwear shot. Instant click! I'm sure any guys reading this can relate. Is it true, are men nothing more than s e x-obsessed disgustoids disguised in human form?
Well, sort of, yes. Here's something that might help you girls who go for more effete, emo-esque guys: if he puts on the affectation of being "above" the physical sexual attraction that motivates the sexual behaviour of more, say, alpha guys, then he's lying. Men, for better or for worse, are biologically wired to respond when we see something our brain finds genetically viable as a potential reproductive mate. Research suggests that this response is actually PRE-CONSCIOUS even, which means that the stimulus produces the attraction response a few nanoseconds before the consciousness is even aware of what's going on.
What's the advice here?
Men: Don't be a manipulative *sshole. But at the same time, don't apologise for being a man. You can pretend not to look, but you'll only be fooling yourself.
Women: If you're a junky for profile views, try putting up a steamy photo. But beware, because you'll get more hits from "bad" guys as well as from the less-common "good" ones.
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