Tip for Men and Women #31: How not to be Innocuous

I'd be interested to find out the average amount of time that the average online dater spends looking at a person's profile. Browsing profiles takes time, and everybody is too busy already.

Here's my guess: 20 seconds or less. Average. In any case, here's what I do: look at the photo(s), skip down to the "who am I" section and skim, skip down to the "who am I looking for" section and skim, and if my interest is piqued, I go back through it more carefully. If not, it's on to the next profile.

If I'm right, then the time that you have to catch somebody's attention is very limited. This is the reason why I never respond to unfilled-out profiles such as those that say "write me to find out more" or "I'll know it when I see it".

It's also important to not come off as innocuous, by which I mean perfectly nice, but featuring nothing that would make somebody want to write to you. In other words, you shouldn't come off as romantically boring. I think there are certain words and phrases that are pretty strong indicators that a person is innocuous. Here are some that you should remove from your profile forthwith:

Has integrity, compassionate, polite, good manners, nice/kind, caring, sensitive, loyal, close with family, loves his mom/her dad, traditional values, chivalrous, gentlemanly/ladylike, silly/goofy, courageous, passionate about something, zest for life, loves his/her life, soulful, curious, adventurous, loves animals, loves the outdoors, has a passport/enjoys travel/will travel with me, honest, interested in the world, has ideals, a good listener, comfortable in one's own skin, someone who can hold their own, someone who gets me, someone to surprise me, someone to challenge me, someone to inspire me, someone I can be proud of, someone I can admire/respect, someone I can learn from, someone who will make me a better person, a good person, a good soul, a risk-taker, someone to cook me dinner, someone for whom I can cook dinner, someone to explore with, someone who likes to snuggle, someone to read the NYTs with on a lazy Saturday/Sunday . . .

And so on. I've already discussed the issue of "chemistry" elsewhere, so cf. that post if you're interested. I'll update this as new ones come to me.